FUCKED-UP CONVERSATION AT WORK

"Andy loves women," Rene said. She paused for a moment. "He realllly loves, them you know? Hey, speak of the devil."

Andy walks in the room.

"Rene says you love women, Andy," I said.

Andy straightened the wrinkles in his shirt.

"I have the utmost respect for women. I mean, there's this story of this bull, he gets real excited and tells his friend, 'Hey, let
s go run and fuck a cow. And I said, let's go walk and fuck them all. I love females of every kind."

I had to think about that for a second, and it still didn't make much sense. Andy continued with his monologue.

"First time I got married, the bitch took everything. I mean, everything. Left me without a bank account, sleeping on a friend's floor. But the bitch fucked up the divorce settlement. She wanted 10% of the business but she got 10% of the gross adjusted income. So I pay her $3000 a year instead of $25000. Not bad, eh?"

Andy leaned over the counter. He was wearing 3 large gold chain bracelets and a several gold medallions around his neck.

"My second marriage lasted for 5 months. She really helped me through a hard time, with the divorce and stuff."

Andy squinted and looked in the distance.

"But this time, I got wise. Wrote a prenup. Her lawyer said 'Don't sign that, you ain't gonna get shit.' I had to re-write that prenup 3 fucking times. She finally signed. So when it all broke up 5 months later, she didn't get shit. She walked out of that coutroom bawling but I said, 'I don't give a shit.' "

"So did she get anything from the marriage?" Rene asked.

"Well, she got a $15,000 rock, a real nice ring, you know. Plus while we was married we went out to eat every Friday, Saturday, and Sunday. We went to lots of great restaurants, you know?"

Andy stood up straight, tapped the flab under his chin 3 times, ran his hands over his slicked back hair.

" Now I run around with about 15 women at a time. Variety is the spice of life, right?"

He looked at me. I shrugged and nodded simultaneously.

"It's like the old days, with harems and shit. I mean, I don't give a shit about bitches anymore."

Rene shifted uncomfortably in her seat.

"I love me some females," Andy said slowly and softly, shaking his head side to side.